Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Kismat Ka Khel Part 1

Part 1:
Remember the day when we met? You brought Raina to me and I offered you money, which you rejected requesting a job. I hurt you so much in the past 5 years but you have taught me to love once again. I love you! 3 of the most insignificant words in my life, you blew life into it for me. Raina was telling me about angels the other day. She said that whenever someone has lost direction in life, god sends his angels down to earth to guide him or her. You are our angel. Cady, Raina and I are thankful to god for sending you to us.

I never believed in this feeling of love, but because of you these feelings have become my addiction. And like a drug the more I acknowledge these feelings the more I need to feel it and express it. Wow, the old me would have thought that whatever I am writing is so stupid. But I am no longer the Rajat Kapur that once used to exist, the meaning of life has changed and this is all thanks to you.

Ram prayed for a girl like his Priya to enter my life and show me the meaning of love. God must love Ram because he listened to his prayer without him even asking 5 years ago when god sent you into my life. You are a blessing in disguise. And today because of the strength in his prayer you are still a huge part of our lives, you came back to stay with us.

Dhaijaan was the happiest person in the world the day that we got married. She must have thought that her son was learning to live and love again but that was farthest from the truth. The most bitter truth which both you and I were aware of. Actually it was my fault, I forced you to marry me taking advantage of your helpless situation. I wanted to show you that love is a burden and not a blessing you and Ram both thought it was. I wanted you to regret ever loving, I wanted to show you how love brings out the worst in people. I was jealous and agitated because you kept smiling despite your cruel reality being on the brinks of poverty. And that day when you slapped me in front of the hotel staff, well that was the last straw. Remember I caught you in a hotel and you said that your daughter was locked in the washroom.

Rajat: don't you have any shame, always using your daughter as an excuse? Saaf Saaf kyun nahi bolti hoon that you come to the hotel to collect money for rent.
Priya: Sorry Sir, but I dont deserve this. In fact I didn't deserve many things that you have said to me over the past few years but this! This is just too much. (she turns to leave)
Rajat: you were speaking so highly of love and life and whatever that day.  Bade achee lagte hain, anjaan and his love. But you forget to tell me how cheap your love is, just like you. And Raajat does not like cheap (before he could finish his sentence Priya turns around and slaps him. everyone in the hotel stops and stares).
Priya (fuming with anger, her eyes are flooding with tears that her anger wont let escape down her cheeks): Mr. Kapur with a U. Dont talk about something you know nothing about. Haan love is cheap but it is also happiness. Thats why you have all the money in the world but still you are the saddest human being I have ever seen.  So dont taint this beautiful word, love with your disgusting words and your even cheaper thoughts. (with this she turned around and walked back to the room where Pihu was locked. Rajat stood there staring at her as she left. He flung his bag on the floor and yelled at the people who were watching him telling them to tend to their own business)

It was that day when I decided that I would get revenge. I wanted to figure out everything about you and your past. It all seemed to easy once I got a hold of your diary. Thats when I realized that you were Rams Priya; the same Priya who taught him to love his life. Ram thought you were dead and you allowed that? My friend was struggling to come to terms with your death and you never even told him about his daughter? I thought for sure I was right about this love, its not as great as you and Ram made it out to be. If love meant going away from each other and keeping secrets from each other than I was thankful at that time that I had the mentality to never make the mistake of falling in love, again. So I called Ram and told him that you were alive and I weaved such a story for him just to see how strong this LOVE really was. Sure enough I thought I was right because Ram believed my every word and what transpired between you two was beautifully transcribed in your diary. Your last entry:

Dear Diary,
This is the last entry I am making. Throughout these 5 years your pages were witness to my struggles and helplessness. Sometimes with ink and other times with my teardrops your pages were the resevoir for my pain. When I found out that I was going to be a mom your pages were the sole spectator of my joy and newfound reason for living. I always reassured myself with the fact that if you lose something, you gain something in return. But today I have lost everything in it's true sense and meaning. The feeling of helplessness running its' course through my veins is as strong as metal which is begging for a breaking point that doesn't exist. The one I love who I did all this for said that he doesn't recognize me. Ram (she strikes it out) Mr. Kapoor (strikes it out again). The love of my life said that he hates me. "Ram? That word does not sound good coming from your mouth. Priya's Ram died the day that Priya was presumed dead. And our love evaporated when you dismissed it, when you shielded the symbol of our love, our daughter from me for all these years. Your inactions says everything about your actions in these past 5 years. You never loved Ram but Ram died for you, every second of these five years. Every ounce of love between us is over. There is only one reality of our love and that is Pihu. I am taking her with me so that you can move on like u wanted me too. So that you can feel what I felt.  U never respected our love. In fact I am begining to doubt if you ever even loved me. But whatever, none of that matters. I LOVED U from the bottom of my heart, I deserve to keep our symbol of love. She has a better future with me." Those were his exacts words. And now she is gone. How can he say that I never loved him, everything I did was for him. I went to jail so that he doesn't have to. I saw him shatter to pieces with each jail visit. 14 years was a long time for him to punish himself for something that happened because of Sid. So I took the opportunity that destiny gave me with that accident and played along with everyone's understanding that I was dead.  I walked away from his life because being in his life would be equivalent to taking his life, I couldn't be so selfish. He would eventually move on knowing that I was dead. Why doesn't he understand that I DID try to contact him when I found out that I was pregnant??? I would never try to deprive him of this happiness that he has full right over. I never missed him in these five years because he never left my mind, my heart and my prayers. But today unintentionally I stipped him of his innocence and filled him with rage and vengence. The reason for my existense was taken away from me. She won't be able to live without me, why doesn't he understand. We live for each other, that's what keeps us moving forward. Don't stare blankly at me!!! What could I have done to stop him. He is her biological father and I am her dead mother. A fugitive, the minute I step foot in Mumbai the police will seperate me from my daughter. Rajat sir made me remember this bitter past when he showed me the court order, which entitled Ram the rightful guardian of Pihu. I can still hear her voice around me as she pleaded for me to do something so that she can stay. It haunts me at night. I can't sleep... I can't live because the reason for my existence is far away from me. Now you tell me what to do? I am all out of ideas, I am all out of desire, I just want to die, but more than that I want my Pihu back. It's only been a week but it feels like a decade. This is my last entry, my tears have drained out, my heart is shattered and my life is worthless. I will only write once I get my Pihu back... One way or another. Pihu don't worry, Mumma is going to find a way...

No comments:

Post a Comment