Part 1:
Remember the day when we met? You brought Raina to me and I
offered you money, which you rejected requesting a job. I hurt you so much in
the past 5 years but you have taught me to love once again. I love you! 3 of
the most insignificant words in my life, you blew life into it for me. Raina
was telling me about angels the other day. She said that whenever someone has
lost direction in life, god sends his angels down to earth to guide him or her.
You are our angel. Cady, Raina and I are thankful to god for sending you to us.
I never believed in this feeling of love, but because of you these
feelings have become my addiction. And like a drug the more I acknowledge these
feelings the more I need to feel it and express it. Wow, the old me would have
thought that whatever I am writing is so stupid. But I am no longer the Rajat
Kapur that once used to exist, the meaning of life has changed and this is all
thanks to you.
Ram prayed for a girl like his Priya to enter my life and show me
the meaning of love. God must love Ram because he listened to his prayer
without him even asking 5 years ago when god sent you into my life. You are a
blessing in disguise. And today because of the strength in his prayer you are
still a huge part of our lives, you came back to stay with us.
Dhaijaan was the happiest person in the world the day that we got
married. She must have thought that her son was learning to live and love again
but that was farthest from the truth. The most bitter truth which both you and
I were aware of. Actually it was my fault, I forced you to marry me taking
advantage of your helpless situation. I wanted to show you that love is a
burden and not a blessing you and Ram both thought it was. I wanted you to
regret ever loving, I wanted to show you how love brings out the worst in
people. I was jealous and agitated because you kept smiling despite your cruel
reality being on the brinks of poverty. And that day when you slapped me in
front of the hotel staff, well that was the last straw. Remember I caught you
in a hotel and you said that your daughter was locked in the washroom.
Rajat: don't you have any shame, always using your daughter as an
excuse? Saaf Saaf kyun nahi bolti hoon that you come to the hotel to collect
money for rent.
Priya: Sorry Sir, but I don’t deserve this. In fact I didn't deserve many things that you have
said to me over the past few years but this! This is just too much. (she turns
to leave)
Rajat: you were speaking so highly of love and life and whatever that
day. Bade achee lagte hain, anjaan and
his love. But you forget to tell me how cheap your love is, just like you. And
Raajat does not like cheap (before he could finish his sentence Priya turns
around and slaps him. everyone in the hotel stops and stares).
Priya (fuming with anger, her eyes are flooding with tears that her
anger won’t let escape down her cheeks): Mr. Kapur with a U. Don’t talk about something
you know nothing about. Haan love is cheap but it is also happiness. That’s why you have all the
money in the world but still you are the saddest human being I have ever
seen. So don’t taint this beautiful
word, “love” with your disgusting
words and your even cheaper thoughts. (with this she turned around and walked
back to the room where Pihu was locked. Rajat stood there staring at her as she
left. He flung his bag on the floor and yelled at the people who were watching
him telling them to tend to their own business)
It was that day when I decided that I would get revenge. I wanted
to figure out everything about you and your past. It all seemed to easy once I
got a hold of your diary. That’s when
I realized that you were Ram’s
Priya; the same Priya who taught him to love his life. Ram thought you were
dead and you allowed that? My friend was struggling to come to terms with your ‘death’ and you never even told
him about his daughter? I thought for sure I was right about this love, it’s not as great as you and
Ram made it out to be. If love meant going away from each other and keeping
secrets from each other than I was thankful at that time that I had the
mentality to never make the mistake of falling in love, again. So I called Ram
and told him that you were alive and I weaved such a story for him just to see
how strong this LOVE really was. Sure enough I thought I was right because Ram
believed my every word and what transpired between you two was beautifully
transcribed in your diary. Your last entry:
Dear Diary,
This is the last entry I am making. Throughout these 5 years your
pages were witness to my struggles and helplessness. Sometimes with ink and
other times with my teardrops your pages were the resevoir for my pain. When I
found out that I was going to be a mom your pages were the sole spectator of my
joy and newfound reason for living. I always reassured myself with the fact
that if you lose something, you gain something in return. But today I have lost
everything in it's true sense and meaning. The feeling of helplessness running
its' course through my veins is as strong as metal which is begging for a breaking
point that doesn't exist. The one I love who I did all this for said that he
doesn't recognize me. Ram (she strikes it out) Mr. Kapoor (strikes it out
again). The love of my life said that he hates me. "Ram? That word does
not sound good coming from your mouth. Priya's Ram died the day that Priya was
presumed dead. And our love evaporated when you dismissed it, when you shielded
the symbol of our love, our daughter from me for all these years. Your
inactions says everything about your actions in these past 5 years. You never
loved Ram but Ram died for you, every second of these five years. Every ounce
of love between us is over. There is only one reality of our love and that is
Pihu. I am taking her with me so that you can move on like u wanted me too. So
that you can feel what I felt. U never
respected our love. In fact I am begining to doubt if you ever even loved me.
But whatever, none of that matters. I LOVED U from the bottom of my heart, I
deserve to keep our symbol of love. She has a better future with me."
Those were his exacts words. And now she is gone. How can he say that I never
loved him, everything I did was for him. I went to jail so that he doesn't have
to. I saw him shatter to pieces with each jail visit. 14 years was a long time
for him to punish himself for something that happened because of Sid. So I took
the opportunity that destiny gave me with that accident and played along with
everyone's understanding that I was dead.
I walked away from his life because being in his life would be equivalent
to taking his life, I couldn't be so selfish. He would eventually move on
knowing that I was dead. Why doesn't he understand that I DID try to contact
him when I found out that I was pregnant??? I would never try to deprive him of
this happiness that he has full right over. I never missed him in these five
years because he never left my mind, my heart and my prayers. But today
unintentionally I stipped him of his innocence and filled him with rage and
vengence. The reason for my existense was taken away from me. She won't be able
to live without me, why doesn't he understand. We live for each other, that's
what keeps us moving forward. Don't stare blankly at me!!! What could I have
done to stop him. He is her biological father and I am her dead mother. A
fugitive, the minute I step foot in Mumbai the police will seperate me from my
daughter. Rajat sir made me remember this bitter past when he showed me the
court order, which entitled Ram the rightful guardian of Pihu. I can still hear
her voice around me as she pleaded for me to do something so that she can stay.
It haunts me at night. I can't sleep... I can't live because the reason for my
existence is far away from me. Now you tell me what to do? I am all out of
ideas, I am all out of desire, I just want to die, but more than that I want my
Pihu back. It's only been a week but it feels like a decade. This is my last
entry, my tears have drained out, my heart is shattered and my life is
worthless. I will only write once I get my Pihu back... One way or another.
Pihu don't worry, Mumma is going to find a way...
No comments:
Post a Comment